January 3, 2013

Quiet. It is all around me. No presents. No need. No urgency. No plan. Just enveloping my morning warmth in a steamy cup of tea, and pleasurable lassitude.

What is this? The phone rings, trilling it's insistency.  I wait. Perhaps I don’t have to answer it, I am not a machine to be ordered about, a slave to jump to the chirping of digital crows. No, I am not.

I continue my tea.

 It's January, and all that had to be done is done, with nothing ahead for a few glorious days of basking about what went right and what was right all of itself.

The phone rings again. Does it seem irritated, or upset at the lack of response.
“Answer me you fool,” it seems to demand, “I know that you are there, sitting with your indulgent cup of twigs and leaves.”

I too, know that I am here, and my peace has been shattered by a beckoning into the world, a bony finger that calls me forward past the line of safety.

Sigh.

But I am not ready, I protest, resentment filling my ears along with a pounding of adrenelinized blood, walking my into the fray with it's vitality, despite my own intention or accord. I am a victim of my own habits. 

But I am no victim of my own habits, I am a collaborator with mine own enemy, and therefore cannot be any sort of sacrificial prey. For my loss of quietude, I am given much that matters deeply. Time with my close family members.  Communication with my amigos. This is a day of crisis, or  difficulty in the personal lives of many of my friends. The holiday peace accords which created, then sheltered some wounds, have ended, with some injuries becoming infected, it seems. The world has returned to reclaim it's own struggle. This boot-camp of spiritual growth offers opportunity to practice what I preach, to be what I think, to do as I believe. Once again, reluctantly.

We are certainly done with 2012. Showing up at the final ring of the bell on the time clock was a pronouncement of the blessed words remission, given to a much loved family member. Complete with the year, some commitments timed out. Some hopes are rising out of the ashes of the old, and the Phoenix rises again. Come on out, 2013, we're nearly ready for you!